Category Archives: Sarcasm

Wake Up and Realize Why A Generation Is Failing

You can blame the schools.  Plenty of people blame social inequalities.  When in doubt, blame Congress and the President!  Each day it is impossible to avoid countless interactions ranging from “it’s not fair”, to “that’s not right”, and “we need to talk to someone about this!”

NEWSFLASH: IT WILL NEVER BE FAIR!

Social Media Wake Up Call

A 2012 article published by the Huffington Post went viral after it begged the question “Are We Raising a Generation of Helpless Kids?”  The buzz that followed was only because the author, Mickey Goodman, told the truth!  People hate hearing the truth and it’s never comfortable being on the receiving end of a harsh reality check.

This could not be more evident in tweets and posts by Notre Dame fans following their demoralizing defeat in the NCAA BCS championship game last night.  Over the holidays a family-friend told me that he only wants Notre Dame to lose so it will diminish some egos — particularly the heir of superiority and elitist mentality he sensed while in the company of Notre Dame alumni and loyal fans.  Nonetheless, even after Alabama crushed Notre Dame in every facet of the game, those egos are more present than ever as loyal Fighting Irish blame referees, time between games, and even the University of Alabama being a public institution as a competitive advantage.  A complete ass-whooping cannot subdue the monsters our society created.

However, the shortcomings and character flaws that symbolize a generation make it incredibly easy for you to gain recognition.  Highlight your character and brand identity by acknowledging your weaknesses.  Exposing some vulnerabilities demonstrates an authenticity that is rarely seen in today’s society and creates a captive audience you can easily win-over when the time comes to demonstrate your expertise or make a point.

Opportunities are everywhere.  Ambition is maintained by focusing goals that represent personal accomplishments, not a standard set by society.  Remember, the bar is set low — i.e. “everyone gets a trophy”.  Is that your standard?  Or, will you hold yourself to a higher standard?  Separating yourself from the “Entitled Generation” requires understanding the pitfalls, developing a keen sense of reality, and a willingness to live by a different standard.

If you need a reality check, watch David McCullough’s commencement address to the graduating seniors of Wellesley High School.  Wellesley is one of the wealthiest towns in Massachusetts and ranks among the top school districts in both the state and the country.  In case my message wasn’t clear: “You’re are not special.”  But, you are unique.  You just need to show people and create that captive audience!

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Filed under Branding, Personal, Sarcasm

Eliminate These Distractions and Watch Your Productivity Skyrocket!

Procrastination DemotivationIf you consider the time spent harvesting your imaginary farm productive then I suggest you stop reading now.  Everyone knows that life is full of distractions.  How you handle distractions has a direct impact on your personal well-being, productivity, financial success, and the relationships you develop.  My goal is to encourage everyone to take a closer look at how you spend your time.  WARNING:  Be prepared for a harsh reality check!

There are 168 hours in a week.  Keep a detailed log of how you spend your time and within a few days you’ll be confused, concerned, and utterly disgusted.  Once you eliminate eating and sleeping, the massive grey area that remains is full of excuses and misconceptions that consume an unfathomable amount of time we can never get back.  When you consider the amount of time you’ve lost it will make you sick to your stomach.  Dwelling on the past is a waste of time, which is exactly what we’re trying to avoid!  The most difficult challenge to overcome is identifying the distractions in your life.

While it’s impossible to create a world that is free of distractions, you can identify key influences that hurt your productivity and find ways to minimize or eliminate their impact.  This list barely scratches the surface, but you may find a few surprises that have a dramatic impact on your productivity.  Grab a pen and paper so you can start building your own list.

 

Eliminate these distractions and your productivity will become unstoppable:
  • Facebook  — imagine how much free time you would have if you stopped creepin’?  It’s scarier than a random notification you were tagged in a picture.
  • Instant Messenger Services — where a 5-minute phone call becomes an IM convo that lasts your entire work day.  I can’t imagine how that would be distracting!
    • GChat – your away message isn’t fooling anyone.
    • Facebook Chat – when creepin’ just isn’t enough.
    • BBM – a slight improvement over sending messages on stone slabs.
    • AIM – does anyone still use it?
  • StumbleUpon — tons of great info but if you knew what you were looking for wouldn’t a quick Google search yield better results?
  • Instagram — your crappy photography appears less crappy when you make it look old.
  • Twitter  Justin Bieber won’t even notice you’re gone.
  • social icon assortment arrayPinterest — will the same people using Pinterest to plan their unrealistic wedding use the social network to plan their very real divorce?
  • Words With Friends — aka Procrastination101
  • Draw Something — Procrastination102
  • Reddit — similar to StumbleUpon and equally time-consuming
  • Texting conversations — because it makes perfect sense to send messages back and forth all day to make plans.  When did we become a socially awkward culture that is afraid to speak on the phone?
  • All Texts-From Website — is there anything less productive than reading texts from people you don’t know?  This includes random parents who don’t know how to text, texts from last night, or auto-correct mistakes all fall under this category.
  • Checking unimportant emails — there are few things more frustrating than stepping away from an important project when you receive a new email notification only to realize it’s another crappy promotion from cell service provider. #ProjectMomentumFail
  • Alert notifications on your cellphone — because hearing “BEEP BEEP” every 2-minutes when another email arrives can’t possibly be a distraction to you or anyone else in the office.
  • Reality television — if watching reality trainwrecks unfold on national television makes you feel better about yourself then you have other issues that need to be addressed.
  • Water Coolers or Coffee Machines — the most common times for unproductive conversations at these locations are — 9:30AM, Noon-2:00PM, and 4:30PM until 6:00PM.
  • All games that have “farm” or “ville” in their name — nobody cares about your potato harvest or the community you built.  Without government subsidies your farm would go out of business and everyone left in your depressed community would turn to crack and prostitution.
  • Entertainment Blogs — FailBlog, TMZ, Perez Hilton, Barstool Sports,
  • Fantasy Football, or any fantasy league for that matter — my wife joined a Real World/Road Rules Challenge fantasy league.  She needs to get a life!

Is your life over?  No!  You just need to be aware of the distractions that impact your productivity. There is a time and a place for each of these distractions. Looking for a mindless activity before you go to bed? Browse StumbleUpon or Reddit. Have time to kill while you wait for the train or a flight? Check your fantasy team or jump on Facebook.

 

How did you do? Remember to revisit your list every few weeks to check your progress. Please leave a comment with any distractions I overlooked so we can help build their list!

 

 

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Filed under Motivation & Inspiration, Productivity, Sarcasm

Directions to Canada

Regardless of the voting results, there will be Democrats, Republicans and drama queens  planning a move to Canada if they are not pleased with the outcome of the election.  Do you think Canada is concerned about migration following a U.S. election?

 

Nonetheless, I took the liberty of creating foolproof directions you may need for your journey.  I hope this helps.  Safe travels!

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Filed under Personal, Sarcasm

Maine Earthquake 2012

Boston Earthquake 2012 Rebuild

I must be the only person in New England who didn’t feel the earthquake.  Now I know how it feels to be the last person picked on the dodgeball team!

Of course I received the news via Facebook and the reactions immediately made me think of this clip from Jumanji:

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The football gods must have heard my concern

Less than 48 hours after my post about the potential brand damage the NFL faces and the referees have reached an agreement.  It could be my impressive Klout, then again there may be some other high-ranking individuals who influenced this outcome!

Touchdown Celtics

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What if our parents knew how to plan?

Walk to School

That walk to school was brutal and I don’t blame our parents for being upset.  Nobody needed to walk uphill if they had just built the school on the same side of the hill where everyone lived!

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Filed under Personal, Sarcasm